Vulnerability in A New Relationship
At the end of the Fall 2022 semester, I found myself agreeing to my first date with a man that I matched with on Hinge. It would have been my first date since ending my 3.5-year long-distance relationship in September. And it was terrifying. I only wanted to know if I was ready to start putting myself out there again. I had spent the last few months working on my mental and physical health and becoming happier and happier with being single and enjoying the time I spent by myself and with friends. But over the next month, I would have to learn what it meant to be in a healthy relationship. Here is what I’ve learned since.
First, it is okay to open yourself up to a new person after heartbreak. At first, I was experiencing breakup guilt. It had only been four months and I struggled with the idea that I had not “properly” mourned the loss of my previous relationship. I thought that I was less of a person because I was ready to move on “so quickly”. And yet, it took me a while to see that everyone is different, and it was only the anxiety of what others would think of me that was holding me in this state of guilt. I came to terms with the fact that everyone is different in how they process breakups. And so, I am no longer guilty of the way I chose to move on.
Second, previous experiences from my past relationships have defined a lot of the way I am approaching this new relationship. And while this is only normal, I have learned that my experiences are who I am, but I will never make new memories if I only focus on my past. This revelation came about after my boyfriend canceled plans with me (for a very good reason) and I became irrationally angry. So, after an hour of anger, a conversation, and a lot of understanding, I realized that I was comparing him to something that my ex used to do constantly. And in the end, he still made time to see me that night because we determined that it was important to both of us. It is a beautiful new memory.
And, lastly, a relationship is not everything. For most of my teenage years, I have been in one, very lengthy, relationship that defined most of my life and personality. And if I have learned anything from being happily single in college, it is that I do not need a relationship in order to be fulfilled. My new relationship has built me up and supported everything that I already do or want to do. I have not lost myself or my own personal identity. And yet, I still do not need anyone else. My life is better with him, but I do not need him. I know that I can be single and happy.
My mental health is the first and foremost priority in my life. A new relationship can present its own struggles with mental health. Anxiety about a new person, new situations, or opening up. It is a tough road to navigate. Everyone is on their own journey with relationships and mental health, and this is mine so far.