Being Anxious About Going Home for the Holidays
We're about a month out from winter break, and don't get me wrong, I'm really excited to be out of the dorms, sleeping until noon, and not have tons of work to do. But part of me feels really anxious about going home. I'm kind of dreading it. My mental health tends to decline whenever I'm home, and I know a lot of other people relate. Let me say this: my parents are amazing. I have a great relationship with them! But being at home, I feel like a completely different person. I feel really conflicted right now. On one hand, I'm excited to be home and with the people I love, but I'm also absolutely filled with dread and fear over how things will go for me when I'm there. I'm really nervous of slipping into a slump, because every time I've been home, that's what's happened. There's also a lot of change going on in my life that I'm not super happy about, so having to go home and face that is really daunting. Is it okay to feel conflicted about going home? I feel guilty about it. I've been feeling like this for the past few months, but as the holidays approach, it just feels like something is looming over me. But recently, I've been talking with my therapist about ways I can try and cope with these feelings. I thought I'd share them here.
In the time leading up to the holidays, it seems like the best thing for me to do is distract myself. The things that make me anxious about going home are out of my control, so it is not helpful for me to think about it any more than I have to. This is easier said than done, especially because I hate it when I don't have control of things. Luckily, schoolwork and friends have made distracting myself really easy. I'd definitely recommend movie nights, self-care, and The Great British Baking Show - these are my favourite distractions! I'm also trying to go into break without negative expectations. I'm not trying to be overly positive either because I don't want to be disappointed but trying to achieve a neutral state seems like a good place to be. Also, I've definitely noticed that I've painted the whole winter break with one broad, negative, brush because of a few elements of it that may a bit challenging. I've forgotten about all the good things in my life that I'll experience when I get home.
Overall, I'm just trying to stay neutral and go into break with an open mind. I hope it works out for me, and that everyone has a safe, healthy winter break too!